Senior Week! Why am I still sober??

First news first: I am currently on the waitlist at BU. Found that out on Monday when I called. It's not a flat out rejection, so that makes me feel good, still wish someone had actually bothered to let me know before I spent 2 weeks calling them.
Cruel twist: The woman I spoke to on the phone told me she would email me about when I should hear the final decision on my application. Unfortunately the first email she sent me was an acceptance email, followed a minute later with a email telling me that was a mistake. Ouch. Guess I sort of know how those kids who were sent acceptance letters on accident feel. But they were actually rejected and found out hours later.

Secondly, I am now really excited to go abroad. Still worried about the plane trip but I'm meeting up with another member of the school in the Munich airport to fly to Albania and we're taking a taxi to the hotel in Butrint. I friended him on facebook and realized that he knows more about Osteology than I do, which is nice, I can learn from him.

Currently it is senior week at Brandeis but it's been raining every day. Not the pouring kind of rain either, the drizzling, halfway rain that always lingers. A bit disappointing. But I went to a nightclub/bowling/billiards place which was pretty neat, except it only had 16 lanes! Seriously? The place was huge. That's my only complaint. I also got to go to Mohegan Sun. And I suck at gambling.

Actually the coolest part of my week so far has been to find Norman Reedus on twitter, follow him, ask him a question and have him reply to me and follow me! Really cool!! Too bad I think I scared him off with my morbid knowledge. Haha. He played Lewis Powell/Payne the person who attempted to assassinate William Seward, the Secretary of State under Lincoln. I actually volunteered on a dig at the Harriet Tubman Homestead in Auburn, NY and we went to the Seward house for a day. He was a good friend of Tubman's and actually helped set her up in Auburn. Anyway Seward was a totally hoarder, the house is a museum filled with completely authentic furniture, place settings, books, sheets, curtains, rugs. Everything. Man collected a lot and kept everything. He even saved all of his clothes with notes in the pockets detailing what day he wore them and why. Anyways, the question I asked Norman was if he had been to the Seward house because, Seward was a hoarder and actually saved the bloody sheet from the assassination attempt and it is on display along with all the details of the assassination plot. I thought since he played the wannabe assassin he might have visited the house and seen where the actual attempt had taken place, as well as the cloth and evidence of the attempt. I'm making myself feel better by saying that he hasn't responded to my response (telling him about the sheets) because he's busy, not because he thinks I'm crazy. But still, first interaction with a real movie celebrity (crush). Hopefully not last.

Packing up my room is odd, mostly because I really need to make sure stuff is definitely in boxes before my parents come. I'm supposed to move out Monday some time before noon but because of my flights I have to be at the airport early Monday morning so I won't be able to move my stuff out with my parents. I also have to keep all the stuff I need for Europe separate from my other stuff to be packed. Lol. Would be easier if I actually had my suitcases, but I left them home and they got destroyed by a flood in our basement so my parents had to buy all new luggage to bring.

Still haven't really processed the idea of finality with this exodus from college. I feel like I don't have the words to properly say goodbye to all my friends. Guess I'll have to say goodbye soon though.

Also: Getting up at 6:30am for an 8am commencement does not sound like fun at all.

So Melodramatic, it's all in the Questions

Jeez, I really sound melodramatic most of the time don't I? At least in this blog. It's odd because I don't think I'm so melodramatic in real life, I guess getting to express your feelings so freely online can make anyone seem dramatic.
In any case, I am done. I completed my last final and I believe I passed it, and since that's all I need since it's a pass/fail class, I'm happy.
I guess maybe I seem so negative because I feel like I don't get a chance to enjoy graduating before I'm off to do class and lab work. Not that it won't be fun, I am sure that it will be very fun and exciting. I'm just still adjusting and I'm still stressed about so much, it seems like I should just slow down and enjoy myself but new things pop up all the time. Have to register with the state department, call the credit card company to let them know it's not stolen, buy shorts and shirts and sunscreen and bug spray, pack all of that crap, make sure important stuff is on carry on, find a carry on bag, should I use a fanny pack? No, I don't want one, need a back pack, where am I going to find a backpack? Do I have time? I have a dinner for Anthropology Majors tomorrow and now I need to get my thank you notes done, but I wanted to take time to write them first. What did I leave at home that I need to have my parents bring? Passport? I need to call BU, when should I call?
And those are just things to worry about for my future career, let alone questions about living and working when I'm back from the field school, or my friends, or my boyfriend.
So I guess all the questions cover up the part of me that's excited. I guess that's a problem. I can't just live in the moment, I'm a planner. I need to have things planned. I can't say it's a better way to live, it seems to make things easier sometimes but in other times I guess it can get in the way of just enjoying life.
Well we're going out to celebrate my birthday on Friday. My birthday was last month but I wanted everyone to enjoy themselves during the outing so I waited until the end of finals week. Hopefully everyone can just let loose and have fun. And hopefully I will too.
I promise to start making these posts more upbeat. I just have to process through the negative first and then only the positive will be left. Well, before I panic about my flight. Lol, that's me, the worrier.

Flights and Finals

Today I had my first of 2 finals before I am done done done with my undergraduate career and just drink for a whole week until I graduate.
Of course the day started out pretty awful. My stupid university, they have us on 24 hour quiet hours for people who are studying and then they mow the lawn right outside of our building at 5:30am. WTF?? My exam was at 9am so I studied until midnight and went to bed so I could wake up at 8 to do last minute studying and they wake me up 3 hours early! I was pretty pissed but went back to sleep, which I am proud of myself for doing as I am quite a light sleeper.
The test wasn't too bad, I probably could have done better but I am happy with what I wrote considering how screwed I felt after reading the questions. I also included a small thank you note and inside joke sketches at the end. This Professor is my favorite lecturer at Brandeis, hands down. I have a different favorite professor but he is just an amazing lecturer and I just had to thank him because, well, he gave me a minor. I signed up for one of his classes, got hooked on them and took another 3. I basically made a minor out of his courses. I hope he finds my note and enjoys it.
After that I booked my flight to NYC from Boston so that I can catch my flight from NYC to Albania (technically I have a lay over in Munich but I don't actually get to step out and see it so I'm ignoring its existence, for now). This is so real. My friend Colin (dubbed Big L because we have another Collin) texted and asked me when I was coming home and it felt like I really cemented the fact when I told him the date I was coming back.
I also finally got a call from BU, the woman I'd been trying to reach all week had been out sick for 10 days and called me and left a voicemail telling me that she'd call me back with the information about my application. At this point I've accepted that I was (most likely) rejected but it doesn't bother me so much because I know this field school will certainly help me get in, as well as my connection to Professor Crist that will hopefully be positive and close after those 24 days. I just want to hear it from BU. That's all.

Forward (like in a book, because I love themes)

Still no word from BU but today I really cemented the fact that I'm actually doing something really significant soon.
And no, it's not graduating, it's going abroad for a field school. Today I got all my vaccinations that I need to be able to travel.
First things first, I have never set foot outside of the United States, I have been off the continental US by going to the Virgin Islands, Puerto Rico and the Bahamas. Still, never gone to Europe and certainly have never traveled alone, besides a quick plane ride from Boston to Syracuse and driving myself to Boston all the time. This will be almost 11 hours on planes, by myself to meet up with a group of people I've never met in real life. And I'm very worried. My mom is a worrier and she passed that onto me. Even though I am excited all my nerves are overriding how awesome this experience will be.
-I'll be in Europe, in the Balkans, near the coast! I'll be on the beach!
-I'll be dealing with human remains, something I haven't done since my Human Osteology class
-I will be excavating human remains, something I've never done!
-I'll be working with Thomas Crist, a famous forensic anthropologist who has many of the credentials I would love to end up with in my career
-I can do a research project through this and maybe present it at a convention
-I'll be in Europe!
-it will only be for 23 days, so it's not a huge excursion.
And yet I'm so worried!
-I won't have internet and phone will be limited
-it's 23 days with people I don't know in a country where I don't speak the native language
-I'm traveling a long way by myself
-I don't know how to travel safely by myself
-I could get a disease
-This is so suddenly planned, I thought this summer would be all about hanging out with friends and getting laser eye surgery (which was going to be my present but now this field school is) And really not trying to sound super spoiled here but, I was honestly really looking forward to that too. I haven't told any of my friends from back home about this either.
-I still haven't heard from BU.
-I don't even go home after I graduate, I head straight off, I wanted to see my friends and my cat before I left.
-it's 23 days.
-I still have finals
-I have to pack some of my stuff with my mom over the phone

Granted, these fears will all seem small once I'm there and I'm sure I'll be so happy, but right now I'm not. I'm just worried.

I wish sometimes I could just switch my brain off, thinking and worrying so much makes it hard for me to sleep.

Intro (for lack of a better title)

Well, I am officially almost a graduate of Brandeis University.
And I'm terrified. I will be receiving my BA in Anthropology, with a focus on Physical Anthropology, in 17 days. After 4 years of struggling to find my identity and my major I'm arriving at the end of a journey with no real idea about what comes after.
Oh sure, I had plans. I applied to 5 graduate programs, 4/5 were biological anthropology and 1 was forensic anthropology and so far am 0/4 for acceptance with one still having no response. Very uplifting. Probably because I only applied for Masters programs but also needed financial aid. It bothered me more that I wasn't qualified over the fact that I didn't get into the programs. Probably because I realized after going to Boston University's open house that Forensic Anthropology is really where my passion lies, at least, I think.
Flashback: First day of Human Osteology, Spring 2010 Semester with my favorite Professor and one of the most important people I'd met at Brandeis a PhD student and TA. I only got into the class because I was an Anth major and a junior, which meant I got priority. I walked in was immediately drawn to the human bones that were part of our rather tiny collection at Brandeis. I loved learning about the bones, I wasn't all that great at memorizing every feature on the bones but somehow I was good at identifying, siding, sexing and aging bones. While people were struggling to glances through notes to identify tiny pieces I just looked and then ran through all the images in my brain until I found where that piece would best fit. Which is odd...because I suck at puzzles.
Flashforward: I've now called BU twice and emailed them and have gotten no response about my application. I'll call again tomorrow but it's frustrating because I've called at different times of the day and still gone to voicemail. I think the woman takes a long lunch and leaves early or something. I've left my name and number but don't really expect to hear back anytime soon.
If I thought going to college was nervewracking, I had no idea that life after college was going to be just a jump into the deep end of adulthood. And I don't know if I can swim that well.